Dave is the key to world peace

Islamic extremists hate us because we are a society that tolerates other views then their own. It drives them mad that we get along as well as we do. Also I think they hate us for the same reason I hated walking with my friend, Dave Morrell in the mall.
Bear with me here.
Dave had just come back from basic training. He was in good shape ,had a sharp looking buzz cut, and was wearing a new long coat. When we went to the mall I noticed that every girl I was looking at, was looking at Dave. It started to drive me nuts. I was thinking ,"Hey I'm good looking. Why don't they look at me?" I became very jealous of all the attention. By the end of the evening I didn't even want to talk to Dave. Dave of course was unaware of my feelings of inadequacies.
So you see Dave is like America, and I am like the Islamic extremists . The main difference is I've never wanted to fly a fully fueled 767 into Dave.
Also I'd have no use what so ever for the 80 virgins the hijackers thought they were getting in heaven. Good God why would anyone want to go though eternity with 80 women that have severe sexual issues? These guys must be nuts.
The Islamic extremists have to accept themselves for what they are. They'll never be Dave , but they can be happy with who they are. I found happiness being who I am, and I'm sure that the extremist can do the same. Until of course America finds them and blows them off the face of the planet . Thereby sending them to their 80 women with major sexual hang-ups.
And you see that's why I'm better then the extremists. I learned that just because everyone was staring at Dave, it didn't mean I wasn't handsome in my own humble way.
I look forward to a bright future. A future where Islamic extremists can walk in the mall next to Dave and not care that their 80 virgins are all looking at him. A future where the Islamic extremists can say to themselves ,"I'm handsome in my own special way!" A future where the Islamic extremist can look at Dave and realize, "Hey maybe it's not Dave? Maybe they are staring because he's wearing a God awful pimp coat , that looks like something Huggy Bear would have wore on Starsky and Hutch?" Then maybe the extremists can be happy with themselves.
And once they are happy, they can come out of their caves and smile under the bright blue sky.
And then of course we can find them and kill them.