Still kinda busy here. So this week will be made up of shorter blogs entries. I'll get back to 1974 next week.
So in honor of a boy in 5th grade named Nolan who gave a report in front of the class on The French and Indian War where he had the French and the Indians duking it out with each other this week is devoted to the most stupid people I've met.
Go West Young Man
In 1997 I was working as Assistant Manager at a convenience store off Interstate 80 in a small town called Atkinson Illinois. It was in the middle of June that year that a van with Nebraska plates pulled in to the store. It was around 5 in the afternoon. A younger man got out to fuel up while a slightly older woman came in to use the restroom. When the man was done fuelling he just got back into the van. The lady came out of the restroom , grabbed a couple of 20 ounce bottle of Pepsi and came up to the counter. I rang up her pop and charged her for her gas. After she paid she pulled a little map out of her purse and laid it on the counter. It was all folded up.
"Where am I on this", she asked.
Barely looking at the tiny map I answered ,"You're at mile marker 27 on interstate 80. You're about 2 and half hours from Chicago."
She looked at her map with a confused expression. "Could you show me where I am on this?"
I took the map from her and stared at it. It appeared to be some old map torn from a book or something. It barely showed all the states and only had a few major interstate on it. It took me a moment to understand where she had folded it up to.
It was folded up to Colorado and Utah.
I looked out again at the Nebraska plates.
"ma'am? Um........Where are you headed?"
"California. I'm going to my daughters wedding. We left Omaha at around 8 this morning."
I stared at the counter trying to figure out a nice way to break the news to her that she's been going the wrong way all day. " Let's just forget the little sign that must have said, 'Welcome to Iowa'. But when you crossed that bridge over that big river a while ago didn't that really big sign that said, 'Thank you for visiting Iowa. Welcome to Illinois', ring any alarm bells?"
Her face went a little pale. "What?"
"Lady you're going the wrong way."
" I don't believe you."
I took a piece of paper that had our store name and address on it and showed it to her. "See? Illinois. We're EAST of Nebraska. You want to go WEST."
"You're making this up!"
"No . No I'm not if I was making it up I'd tell you to keep going East and that you be in California in just a few short hours." I started to feel a little sorry for this poor misguided woman. "Why don't you buy one of our Atlas's that have the whole United States on it. They're only $ 12.95"
"I'm not wasting $12.95 on a map", she said rather harshly.
"No offense lady , but if you'd wasted $12.95 on a map and could tell the difference between East and West you wouldn't have wasted 8 hours driving the wrong way, and lord knows how much gas just to visit me!" I smiled at her.
She was very angry now. "Well how do I get back?"
Very slowly so she couldn't misunderstand me I said,"You turn around and go back the way you came. If you're lucky you'll get back to Omaha in time to go to bed and try it again tomorrow."
"You're making this up!"
At about this time a local customer named Brendan came in. I motioned him over. "Hey Brendan what state are we in?"
" Illinois?"
I motioned to the lady at the counter. "Brendan I want you to meet the dumbest person I've ever met"
With that she stormed out of the store and marched to her van. She left her two Pepsi's and folded up map on the counter. She proceeded to yell at the younger man in the van. A minute later they sped away. Brendan and I watched them head back to the interstate. They passed the West bound entrance and turned off again heading East.
Brendan looked at me."You should be nicer to the customers."
I watched the van head off towards Chicago. "I'm not to worried about repeat business here." I looked back to Brendan. "Hey want a Pepsi? I got a couple of free ones."
The moral of the story?
A. Never leave home without a map.
B. Never leave home without at least a vague idea what coast you are heading towards.
C. Never get upset when I point out to you that you are an idiot with no sense of direction.




Sad fact about me 4
When I say "No Offense but......" It's a safe bet that I'm going to offend you.