Teddy's Fate


Mom came home from the hospital on Tuesday December 4th 1973. We kept it a very quiet affair. There were no other relatives over, not even any flowers or cards. It was almost as if she was just coming home from the store. Mom immediately began acting like nothing was wrong. Within an hour of coming home she was already starting to cook supper. We all protested but Mom was very insistent.
Before Mom had come home Dad and the other boys had removed all traces that Mom was expecting baby. Upstairs in the attic was all the new baby supplies they had bought , including a baby bed. I sat in my room and watched them take everything up. I had no wish myself to go back up to the attic. Before Mom came home from the hospital she made Dad promise that we would be out of the house by time January's rent was due.
December 4th was also the day of any real significant snowfall that winter. I looked out the window and watched the snow gently come down. I realized that had it been any other day I would be outside being pelted by snowballs in some insane game that my brothers had thought up and that I (for some unknown reason) always agreed to play since I was 5.
The game was simple.
John and Geno would construct a tall L shaped wall. They would stock it with plenty of snowballs. I would built a wall to the best of my ability. It was always very inadequate to the occasion. I would arm myself with a few snowballs. Rose would stand behind the wall with Geno and John. My goal was to hit Rose with one snowball. If I landed that snowball the game was over. Geno and John's goal was to defend Rose by throwing uncounted snowballs at me.
The game always ended with Rose untouched by a snowball , and my laying on the ground buried under a avalanche of hits.
But on this day Dad had made it clear that we were to be as quiet as church mice. Plus none of us really felt like laughing and playing. All we wanted to do was be as close to Mom as possible.
Mom put up a good front. She was all smiles for us, but the sadness in her eyes was very evident. We all spent that day trying to let Mom know as much as possible how much we loved her. There may have been no laughter that day but at least there were no tears.
My oldest brother Steve had the perfect way to bring laughter back in the house.
On December 8th a week from the day that we buried Penny, Steve married Kathy in my parents living room.

This had been planned for a while. Steve at first wanted to postpone it due to what had just happened, but Mom wouldn't hear of it. So with the Christmas tree as a backdrop they exchanged vows. My Mom smiled the first real smile we had seen since she lost the baby. I don't remember Dad smiling , but then again I don't remember him ever smiling.
Even I was happy, even though it meant that the girl I had a crush on since I was four was now forever out of my reach. (Ok she was always out of my reach , but little boys can dream can't they?)
Mere seconds after Steve had kissed Kathy as his wife for the first time, I ran up and gave her a hug. I didn't want to let go. We all enjoyed that day immensely. There was more snow outside, but as it was Steve's wedding day there was no time for my brothers to assault me with snowballs.
It was the best day we could remember in the house for a long time. But even under Mom's smile and laughter we could see the sadness that was just under the surface.
A few days after that Dad announced he had found a new house in the larger town of Kewanee, just 12 miles away. He told us that we wouldn't be going back to the Cambridge schools after Christmas break. None of us were very thrilled but we all knew enough not to say anything to Dad or Mom.
When Dad told the landlord we were moving they were very nice about it. They told my parents that whoever had left all that furniture in the house and in the attic was never coming back for it. If my parents wanted any of it they were welcome to it. My parents were very thankful.
Christmas soon came. My parents were very broke that year so because of all the expenses of the last month. Steve and Kathy helped out them out with buying gifts.
On Christmas Eve I hid upstairs with Geno and John and Rose while "Santa" dropped the gifts off. From the sounds of it "Santa" also helped himself to a can of beer. Finally around 8 that evening we were called downstairs to open our gifts. To my horror I saw that Grandma had given Geno and John new slingshots.. I new the coming months would not be fun.
At third grade I knew the truth about Santa. But when I opened my gift marked from Santa I threw my head back and screamed out at the top of my lungs,"Thank you Santa!" I felt like a liar but it was the only way to let the world know how happy I was.
In my hands was a new G.I. Joe adventure action figure with life like hair and beard. To me it was the greatest gift I ever had. What ever else I got that Christmas sat unused and unplayed with for quite a long while. I made it clear to Duke he was not to eat my G.I. Joe doll.
I loved it so much that today sitting on a shelf in my living room is a replica of the same GI Joe and box. When I look at it I think of my parents, my brother Steve , and Christmas.
Sometime after Christmas , but before the New Year, we were sitting in the living room and talking about moving to a new house and what we would take with us. Steve was there that day. I'm sure Kathy was there but I have no clear memory of her.
What I do remember clearly is that on that day while we were talking, Mom started to cry. It was the first time since she came home that we had seen her cry. We weren't sure what to say or do. Dad told us (rather harshly I might add.) to go outside , and give Mom some time alone. Rose asked if she could go upstairs instead of outside. Dad glared at her until she began to put her snowshoes on.
Unsure of what to do we all walked outside into the cold December air. With no more sense of purpose of what they were doing than a bird building a nest John and Geno began to construct their wall. Understanding that I couldn't escape my fate any longer I started to build my little hump of a wall. Within a relatively short amount of time their wall was built and their massive supply of snowballs were at the ready. Rose stood a little behind Geno and John, a gleeful look on her face as she anticipated my certain doom.
Steve sat on the back steps watching, but apparently not wanting to get involved.
But this year I wasn't alone. Duke was at my side along with G.I. Joe. I planted Joe in the ground next to me and even made a tiny little snowball for his hand. While I was still getting my pathetic fortifications ready John went over to the well and got a little water in a bucket. He brought it back to his wall and sprinkled it on gently. His hope was to make it ice hard on the outside.
Finally John asked me if I was ready. Rose popped her head out from the side of the wall, and stuck her tongue out at me. I noticed a little movement behind me and turned towards Steve. Behind him in the house I could see my Mom standing in the doorway looking at us with a little wistful smile on her face.
With renewed determination not to fall so easily this year, I told John I was ready. John smiled wickedly and said , "Ok you go first." I could see Geno had a snowball in his hand ready to hurl it my way.
Just then something rushed past me screaming like a banshee. Before I knew what was happening, Steve yelling wildly, threw himself at the wall and knocked it down. In the process he took Geno and John down to the grounded with him. John landed on his back and Geno fell on his face. Steve put a knee in John's chest so he couldn't move. He grabbed Geno by the back of the pants and picked him up and slammed him back into the snowy ground. Repeatedly. Geno made funny little ,"hmmph" noises everytime his face hit the snow.
Rose at first thought it was funny what Steve was doing to her other brothers and laughed. Then her eyes grew large with terror when she realized that now nothing stood between me and her. She screamed and tried to run away from me , dropping the snowball she was holding to the ground. With a barking Duke close behind me I took off after Rose yelling in triumph. In ever widening circles around my brothers I chased her though the snow, not throwing the snowball right away because I was having so much fun.
In fact my joy was so intense I have no clear memory of throwing it at all. All I remember is laughing madly as she ran from me , while Steve battled John and Geno in the snow.
We stayed another ten days or so before we moved. Even though the landlord said we could, I myself took nothing from the house when we left. Not even my cigar box full of G.I. Joe equipment .
When we moved to Kewanee on the night of January 7th 1974, it was still there under the floorboard in the attic, next to a Teddy Bear wrapped in a brown paper bag.