Hope everyone had a safe and fun holidays.


OK. This story will contain nudity, drinking, and more than a hint of "adult" issues. If you are offended by this I encourage you to read another blog.

New Years ...Delayed

During my third year of college, I transferred to Eastern Illinois University. It was the first time I had ever been away from home, and I was completely unprepared for it. My parents gave me almost no help at all. By going to college my Dad told me that I had abandoned the family. As a result I ended up belonging to a fraternity that while fun was absolutely the worst choice I could have made as far as my grades were concerned.
I had never drank a drop of alcohol in my life. All during high school I obeyed my father and stayed away from the stuff. I didn't think it was evil, or bad. I just thought it wasn't for me. When I went to Eastern I was 20 years old. I fully expected to go another 20 years without drinking as well.
During my first week at school while I was at a frat party I met a very good looking girl. She was so good looking in fact that I was speechless. When she asked me if I wanted to go back to her place and share a drink with her all I could do was nod. Drinking suddenly sounded like the greatest thing possible.
And so began a year of debauchery that I would have been shocked at only a year earlier. During my winter break it was painfully obvious to my Dad I had started drinking when I tilted my glass while pouring Pepsi to avoid any foam. Even though my relationship with my Dad was strained because of my leaving for school, while I was in his home I more or less respected his wishes and didn't drink.
New Years Eve 1985 was a very odd time. My sister asked Mark out for a date that night. (A request that I'm sure still leaves him awaking screaming in the middle of the night soaked in sweat) Mark wisely refused. For the actual night we went to a "party" at my brother's John's friends house. Once we were there we found out the party consisted of Mark and I, my brother John, John's friend Mark (Yes two Marks. If you can't keep up I'm going to ask you to stop reading) and Mark's wife Jackie. For most of the evening John stayed in the kitchen "talking" to Jackie. All in all it was a very weird evening, completly devoid of fun.
When I got back to school I found out that I was not the only one who had a disappointing New Year's Eve. It turned out that most of us were disappointed with it. One of my frat brother's Mike pointed out that there was a regional get together for our fraternity coming up. Maybe when we went to that we could all act like it was New Year's Eve.
Now generally we avoided meetings with other chapters of our fraternity. We were sure that if they had ever come into our house and saw how we lived we would all be booted out. But another frat brother, Jon pointed out that where the convention was going to be held had many strip bars not two blocks from the hotel we would be staying at. I had never been to one before and couldn't wait to go.
The Friday morning before we left, a fraternity alum named Jack showed up. It turned out he was getting some sort of award at the meeting and would be going with us.
This was the first time I had ever met Jack and I was amazed by how ...Feminine he was. He even called my shirt a blouse at one point. He was so over the top I actually thought he was joking. When I asked about it they told me that this was indeed how he had acted while in school. It turned out that while he was well liked, the main reason he was in the fraternity was to simply keep up the frats grade point average.
We drove down in two cars with Mike, Jon, and I riding in Jack's (very nice and very new) car. On the way down Jack told us that he had recently come into a great deal of money. It turned out that when he went to the dentist the dentist made a mistake and accidentally stopped Jack's heart. Long story short, Jack sued and won a bunch of money. He insisted on paying for everyone's food while we were with him. We all happily excepted his kind offer, and ate obscene amounts of food at Jack's expense.
Sadly for Jack, our fun at his expense and barely begun.
Once we checked in at our hotel rooms, (again at Jacks expense) we wasted no time looking for the strip bars. However first we had to go to a meeting where all the chapters attending on the opening night. While there it turned out that each chapter attending had to nominate one of their (attending) members as our King. We all thought it was a bit gay, but since Jack was with us we kept our mouths shut and chose Jon as our King. When Jon stood up to give his speech he simply said with a very fake British accent, "I don't want to King, I want to be Pope."
While there at the meeting it became very painfully obvious that while Jack may not have fit in at our chapter, he more than fit in with the chapters assembled there that evening.
Later back in our Hotel room we all got ready to go to the Strip Bars. As we were about to leave Jack came back and asked where we were headed. We told Jack and he wanted to come along.
"But Jack," Jon said," this really isn't your cup of tea. There will be drinking and loud music and other things." (Naked women)
Jack looked like he was about to cry. "But guys I never got to do this with you while I was in school, and who knows when I'll see you again?"
The idea of taking Jack along seemed to strike everyone like throwing water on a hot fire.
"Hey", said Jack brightening up, "I'll pay."
Well that made all the difference. We happily took Jack and his big fat billfold along.
Once we got there it seemed that maybe Jack liked girls after all. HIs eyes grew big and a smile spread over his face. As it turned out we only went to one Strip Club. The girls there were so happy with the money we were throwing around we had no desire whatsoever to leave. Thanks to Jack everyone was having a great time.
To everyone's dismay Jack started drinking. It seems Jack had made it though four years of college without touching a drop of booze, but once a pretty blonde sat on his lap without anything on Jack's drinking views were thrown out the window.
We went through all the money in Jack's billfold in a record amount of time. It was about that time that girls figured out that they liked other people more then us now.We were going to leave when once again Jack surprised us. He took his billfold, handed it to Mike and said in a very drunken voice, "Go take my ATM card and take out a $1000."
Mike laughed nervously. "Jack you can only take out 300 at a time with these things."
"Not mine." Jack looked like he was going to die of sheer happiness watching the current dancer on stage. Mike was only gone a few minutes when he came back with the money. Mike it turns out had gotten $1500 out. I looked over at him. Mike kept the extra 500 and stuffed it in his shirt pocket.
Once again the girls changed their minds and liked us again. It was about this time that Jack found out what happened if you put a 5 dollar bill in your mouth while a dancer was onstage. The girl would dance over towards him, kneel down on the stage and pull her g-string open for Jack to drop the money into. She would then grab his head and pull into her ample breast, (They all had ample breasts at this place) and slap his face with them. Jack found out they were even nicer when he put a $10 bill or a $20 bill in his mouth.
With the extra $500 Mike took he began asking the girls if one of them wanted to come back to our Hotel room with us. Mike got a very pretty blonde to agree to it. He gave her half the money at the bar with the promise of the other half and "tips" later. She got up on the stage and started to dance.
I was sitting next to Jack when Mike came over and told him, "You see that girl? She likes you so much she's coming back with us when we leave." Jack's inhumanly large smile grew. He took out 3 $20 bills. He gave one to me, and one to Jon on the other side of him. Jack stuck his in his mouth. Jon and I stuck ours in our pockets.
The hot blonde came over to Jack. Jack looked up at her smiling. She knelt down and with one hand pulled her G-string out and with the other pulled Jack's head towards her. Jack still had that stupid smile on his face.
He still had that smile when he projectile vomited all over that very pretty girl's G-string and all over her. She started screaming and fell back on the stage. Jack's head fell onto the stage with a loud thump. His face rest rested on his own vomit.He was still smiling even as a bit of puke oozed out of his mouth. Everyone was screaming now. Jon and I both stood up away from Jack.
Out of no where two very large black men with no hair and voices that sounded like thunder appeared and grabbed me and Jon by our shoulders. One said, "I think you gentlemen ought to leave now." Jon immediatly picked up Jack and threw him over his shoulder. Jack still had that wide smile on his face as we walked out the door. "Bye bye", he said before he vomited again. He left a little trail of puke behind him.
As I walked out the door I turned around and saw Mike still sitting by the stage. He held up the billfold and waved goodbye. Jon and I were both cursing him all the way back to the Hotel.
What little chance we had to win the King "award" went out the window as members of the nominating commitee saw us dragging Jack though the hallway of the Hotel, smelling like vomit. He still had that strange smile on his face. Between new bouts of vomit, he would laugh. Jack stayed in his room all day Saturday. He said he had a headache.
Once again Jack surprised when Sunday, as we drove back to school, he told us he had a really great time. He said he finally felt like one of the boys.
And it only cost him close to $4000.
After seeing the massive amounts of money Jack spent, I vowed I'd stay away from Strip Bars from then on. Those places were nothing but money traps.