Jiffy Pop Popcorn is the Devil's Food


In all my life I had never seen my Mom so happy. Since she told us she was pregnant it seemed she never stopped smiling. Even Dad was very happy about it. He wasn't smiling but he wasn't frowning either. In our house that made all the difference. Dad and Mom were acting like lovebirds all the time lately. Dad was now sitting on the couch with Mom when we watched television instead of sitting in his own chair.
Of course no one could sit in Dad's now empty chair. Geno sat in it once while Dad was in his den. Dad saw Geno in it , got up and came into the living room and said," You're in my chair." Later on Dad saw him in it again. 5 minutes later Geno was outside mowing our huge lawn with a push mower. After that we never sat in his chair until we could hear him snoring upstairs.
Other than the Chair we found that to a certain extent we could get away with much greater range of misdeeds then before. We knew it wasn't going to last so everyone took as much advantage of it as we could. Geno and John even tried to make Dad happier by replacing his broken records.
One day in late May of 1973 Geno showed up with a box full of records. Some were replacement records for Rose , and some were for Dad. The rest were for him and John. I think that box included every Beatles album made. Dad asked where Geno got all those albums. He said that while riding around with the Pena brothers he found a yard sale and they were selling all these. Dad was suspicious of why someone would be selling all these records , especially since many were unopened. Not wanting to upset his good mood Dad decided not press the issue.
Later on that weekend John showed up with a box full of comic books. John also said he bought these at a yard sale. Dad wanted to know if it was the same sale that Geno got his records. John made a nervous laugh and said ,"Geno went to a yard sale too? I didn't see him at the one I was at." Dad was amazed his 14 and 15 year old sons were making yard sale rounds , and getting such great deals too. He gave John a prolonged stare , but again didn't press the issue.
This was seriously freaking me out. Rose was acting all nice and sweet once she had her records returned. Geno and John (Obviously hiding something) were acting like perfect angels. Mom was practically singing while she did the housework. And Dad wasn't yelling at anyone. He even was smiling every now and then. Nobody was plotting against anyone! I was beginning to wonder whose house I was living in.
During the next few days I looked in the newspaper for any clues about these strange "Yard Sales" , that my brothers had stumbled on to. I also watched the news at night. Whatever they did they hid it well. I never did find anything I could pin on them . My frustration began to grow.
One day ,shortly after school had ended for the year , I was laying on my bed reading one of the comics John had bought at his "Yard Sale". My door was open and I could see Duke sleeping in the hallway. It was a very warm spring day but my room was still nice and cool. My window was open and a nice warm breeze was blowing in. Outside I could hear Geno and John playing around the electric fence again. (I remember Dad making a comment that maybe all that Electro Shock Treatment might do them some good.)
I quietly snuck down the hallway into their room. Maybe there I'd find some clue as to what was going on. Duke woke up and followed me in to their room. I started searching their room. At first I found nothing too suspicious. There was a Playboy under John's bed , Geno had a couple cans of beer hidden in the closet, but nothing that explained their sudden good fortune.
Then I noticed John's trunk. He kept art supplies and such in it. To make sure no one wasted his oil paints or paper he always kept it locked. I looked at it for a moment then left their room. I went across the hallway and looked out Mom and Dad's bedroom window. They were still outside. I went back to their room and sat down by the trunk and studied the lock. Within 5 minutes I had picked it and the trunk was open.
I studied the contents. I had seen the inside of the trunk many times , so it didn't take long for me to notice the large canvas bag in the back corner. Opening the bag I saw it was full of dimes . Hundreds and hundreds of dimes.
The bag was so heavy I could barely lift it.
Where the heck did they get all this? If they found a way to sneak into another gas station where were all the quarters? Besides there were way too many dimes to have in a cash register. I looked over at Duke.
"You've been sleeping in here dog. Where'd they get all this?"
Duke just looked at me , keeping whatever secrets he had to himself.
Just then John opened the door and saw me by his open trunk. I got up and backed towards the window. Geno followed John into the room.
"What are you doing in here," John yelled. Geno looked like he was going to kill me. He ran over and picked up the bag of dimes. Holding it up it looked like it would fill a coffee can. John looked very nervous and shut the door. Duke got between me and my brothers.
" If you do anything I'll yell", I said. "I'll tell Mom and Dad about that money." Geno and John were looking at each other now. I hadn't seen Geno this nervous since he stole the wrong red bike. For a long moment we just looked at each other. My heart was beating very fast. I hoped they didn't notice how scared I was.
Finally Geno broke the silence. "What do you want?"
"I want a G. I. Joe!"
"We can't get you a G.I. Joe! Mom and Dad would notice that. Ask for something else."
We argued over the G.I. Joe issue for a while. Finally we reached a compromise. 5 comic books , 2 dollars , and a package of Jiffy Pop Popcorn
I had been asking Mom and Dad for Jiffy Pop Popcorn for as long as I could remember.( In 1973 we didn't have microwave popcorn. And the commercials made Jiffy Pop look so cool. You just stick it on the stove , turn on the heat and move it back and forth. Within minutes you had popcorn . All you had to do was turn off the stove and open the top.) Dad didn't want to get it because it wasn't enough for the whole family. Besides he said with my luck I'd burn the house down.
2 days later I had my books. John snuck them into the house and up to my room. There were two Werewolf by Night's, one Tomb of Dracula , one Marvel Team Up, and one Hulk comic. John also gave me 20 dimes and my Jiffy Pop.
" Ok . If you say anything now , You'll be in just as much trouble as we are."
I didn't care. I was rich ( 2 dollars went a long way back then.) and had my snack food. I planned a grand evening for myself. First I would pop my popcorn. Then I would sneak it up to my room and lay in bed ,read my books and listen to my radio.
I should have asked for root beer as well , I thought. Oh well , maybe next time.
A little later that afternoon Dad was outside with Mom . He had his metal detector out and was walking around the yard looking for lost coins. I wanted to suggest looking in John's trunk but decided to keep quiet. After a while I went back in the house and got my Jiffy Pop.
I carefully read the directions and turned on the stove. I started moving the cheap aluminum foil pan back and forth across the stove. Within seconds I could hear the corn start popping. It smelled so good. I must have been doing something wrong because it stopped popping before it was even a quarter done. I turned the stove off. I looked at the top of the package and tried to see how much popcorn had popped. I couldn't see in so I tore open I little hole ,, just to get a peak.
It looked like I hadn't even popped hardly any of it. I turned the stove back on and started again. This time I turned the flame on high. Within seconds it was popping again. This time it didn't smell so good. As more popped the aluminum foil top began to expand. And the hole I tore in the top grew bigger. A black smoke began to pore out of the top. Popcorn began to pop right out of the hole I had torn and spill out all over the stove.
I knew I had done something really wrong when it caught fire.
Panic overtook me and I turned off the stove and threw the Jiffy Pop into the trash can. A little scared I went over and opened the two kitchen windows to air out the kitchen. When I turned around from the window I saw that trash can was now on fire!
Smoke was pouring out of the can. I ran into to the sink and filled a koolaid pitcher with water. I poured it into the trash can. Even more smoke came out. Deep into panic mode now , I picked it up and carried it out the back door and threw it outside on the ground. I was coughing very loudly.
Dad ran up to me
"What the hell are you doing!"
I tried to explain that something had gone horribly wrong with the Jiffy Pop.
"Where the hell did you get Jiffy Pop?"
My first instinct was to say I got it at a yard sale. But I knew that he wouldn't buy that at all. My second and stronger instinct was to rat out my brothers. I figured that my little accident would be forgotten if I told Dad about the mysterious bag of dimes up in John's trunk.
For some reason I didn't. I lied and said that I saved up lunch money that I had at the end of the school year and bought the Jiffy Pop with it. Mom and Dad believed that and yelled at me . The money they gave me was for lunch only, they said. If I used it for something else it was the same as stealing. They sent me to my room.
I laid in bed pouting for the rest of the night. Duke sat in the hallway looking at me with almost sad eyes. Downstairs I could hear everyone laughing at me. I had never set the kitchen on fire before , but I was fairly sure I was going to get punished big time for it. Later on that night John came in and offered to buy me another Jiffy Pop for not telling on them . I said no thanks. The last thing I needed was to be caught with another one of those damn things.
Dad's good mood ended that night.
The next day for my punishment, I mowed the yard for the first time. It took me the better part of the day. When I was done Dad asked me if I had learned a lesson.
I had.
I learned that Jiffy Pop was a crappy product that started fires.
I've never bought it since.