Dad

(Dad shortly before he seized power in Iraq)

It was Fathers day last Sunday. As a loyal son I spent part of the day with my Dad. He's old now. Older then his 68 years. He's had at least 10 small strokes and each one has robbed us of a little bit more of him then the last one.
So for Father's day I'll finish my thoughts I began last time and move on. As you read this blog you may notice my Dad will seem to have 3 distinct personalities. One is a abusive drunk , with a beer can almost always in his hands. Another is a alcohol and drug consoler who devoted his life to helping other people with substance abuse problems. The third is a man with a perverse sense of humor. This guy thinks nothing is funnier then convincing his youngest son that something incredible is happening. And of course the youngest son (me) falls for it everytime.
Dad is a man that changed much in the course of his life. He started out as a charmed man to whom everything was easy for him. He was the lead singer in a very popular county and western band. By 18 he was the most popular DJ at the local radio station. He joined the marines and served two years. When he came back he was engaged to a very pretty young lady from his hometown. He got his job back with the radio station and everything seemed to be on track with him.
At this time Dad saw his former girlfriend. He was dating her before he joined the marines. They started talking and decided to have a drink together. As they were driving home She asked Dad to pull over. When Dad did she pulled a picture from her purse and showed it to him.
It was obvious that dad was looking at his 2 year old son. His name was Steve he was told. She told Dad that after he had left for the marines she found out she was carrying his child. She wanted Dad to think about what he wanted to do , and then give her a call. Dad dropped her off by her car and went home. He showed his Mom the picture he had been given. Grandma took one look and said ,"Well it looks like I have a grandson. What are you going to do about it ?"
It took Dad a week to decide. But being the type of man who took responsibility very seriously he broke up with his fiancee , and married my Mom. Now I am very happy he did this, but I'm not sure I could have done what he did. He left the woman he loved to marry my Mom out of a sense of obligation. Of course it could have something to do with my Mom's Dad and 9 brothers all carrying shotguns.
What's worth pointing out is if you look at a picture of my Dad when he's younger he is almost always smiling. If you look at a picture after he's married there's always a frown on his face.
My Dad at Christmas? Frowning.
My Dad at a family reunion? Frowning.
My Dad when I was born? Really big frown. (Looks like some tears as well)
After he married my Mom , Dad's life didn't go as well as it had been. Dad began to blame my Mom and Steve for his life turning out the way it did. Always a heavy drinker he now began to get drunk with a greater and greater frequency. Dad began to become abusive to my Mom.

My first memory is a very violent one. I was 3. I had originally wrote in this space about it. But after reading it I realize I don't have the talent to describe that night. My Dad was by far the one who ended up worse for wear that night. But what's so surprising is it wasn't a turning point. Dad didn't drink as much for a while. He was less abusive for a while. But in the end it didn't change anything.
It took almost 7 years for Dad to quit drinking finally. His life changed almost overnight. Dad went from some drunk staggering out the back door to get more beer , to a man wearing a 3 piece suit and asking the Governor of Iowa to speak at a fundraiser for the drug abuse clinic Dad was trying to get off the ground.
Dad built and started The Good Shepard Foundation. It was a place where anyone with substance abuse problems could come or call almost 24 hours a day for help. For the next 17 years he spent a great deal of his time trying to help people overcome their problems. He never did become a warm a fuzzy guy. If anything he went from a mean and grouchy drunk , to a mean and grouchy substance abuse counselor. My friends were all scared of him before he stopped drinking , and they were all scared of him after he stopped drinking.
Hopefully I'll be able to touch more fully on Dad's story as I go further and further into this blog. Please keep in mind that Dad's a complex person , one that I might not be able to fully get a handle on .
One last thing.
Since this is a Father's Day posting (kinda late I know ), I'll say why I admire my Dad so much,despite everything he was when I was younger.
Once I asked my Dad what finally made him stop drinking. Dad told me he was sick and tired of being the person he was. He knew that eventually he would lose his wife and family . Dad decided that day he wanted to be a better man then what he was.
And that's Dad's gift to me.
No matter how bad life gets , I know I can be a better man then what I am. It's never to late to change and start your life over. It's never too late to affect the world around you in a more positive way.

Unless you're French. Then you're just a hopeless cheese eating surrender monkey.
( If you are French please see my very sincere apology of September 9)