My Blog has gotten to a sad point. (yes even sadder than posting my son's homework assignments so I have something to do.) I've just gone though the blog making sure what I'm about to post hasn't already been posted. I am beginning to feel like an old man who's told all his stories a million times to the same person. (My wife at least will avoid hearing the same stories over and over even more. She'll hear different less well thought out stories over and over) Anyway from what I've seen I haven't posted this story before. If I have please be kind and just keep nodding as you read it, like it's all new to you.
Damn Dirty Apes.
We lived in Kewanee until just after the summer of 1976. Our landlord was a crotchy old man who would walk into our backyard without once bothering to look to see if our dog DUKE was tied up. One day his luck ran out and Duke came charging at him. In all fairness to Duke all he did was rip the vile old man's pant leg, but within a week we were asked to leave.
Instead of staying in Kewanee, Dad moved us again to another town. This time it was a place called Annawan. Annawan was only 10 miles from Kewanee, but as far as I was concerned it was a lightyear away. I was now separated from my best friends Mark and George, and the lovely vision that was Kathy Lasky. To make things even worse our new home didn't allow pets.
So Duke never came with us. I spent the last night in Kewanee sleeping in the basement with my beloved Dog. The next day Dad gave him away. I've never forgiven him for that.
Anyway in Annawan I once again made some good friends. (To be quite honest Kewanee and Annawan are the only two places I've made lifelong friends. Atkinson could have been a place where I made lifelong friends but they all had the bad manners to get themselves killed. More on that at a later more somber date.)
John was working at a SuperX, a drug store in Kewanee. He continued to work there even after we moved to Annawan. One day in early summer SuperX had some weird celebration. John was asked, and gladly accepted, to stand outside the store in a full body gorilla suit (with a little 1920's college hat and a little flag like you would wave at a football game that said SuperX) and wave people into the store. He did this on a Friday from 3 in the afternoon, till the store closed that night.
Since he had to work the next day and he was going to wear it all the next day he thought he'd simply wear it home. About half way between Kewanee and Annawan as county cop passed him. He saw a the suit and promptly pulled him over. After making sure he wasn't drunk the officer had a good laugh with John and let him on his way. John said he wished he was able to have a photo of the cop's face when he saw him.
About 5 minutes later John pulled into the back of our house in Annawan. As he walked towards the front door he saw Rose making out with one of her many victims. John crept up towards them (well as much as a guy in a full body monkey suit can creep along.) trying not to make any noise. Then he jumped out in front of them screaming. I was inside the house in the kitchen reading a comic book when I heard the screaming. My first thought was,"They all scream eventually".
Outside Rose's would be boyfriend took off running. Rose just sat there screaming until John took off his mask. Then she started screaming foul words at him. After a couple of moments she calmed down and with a sly look on her face said, "Lets go in and scare Tom." John readily agreed with her.
Maybe it was the fact that John tripped as he came in the door behind Rose but I wasn't overly scared. I looked up from my comic book and said, "Your boyfriends hairier then the last one."
"Shut up", Rose said. She thought for a moment then said, "Where's Mom and Dad?"
"Dad's in the bathroom finishing up a shower and Mom's in bed watching television."
Rose got another sly look on her face and said, "Let's scare Dad when he comes out of the bathroom." John nodded.
"I don't think that's really a good idea", I said. "Do you really want to be scaring Dad?"
John looked my way. (Still wearing a gorilla mask) and said, "It'll be fun."
John stood in front of the bathroom door and waited. Finally getting anxious he knocked on the door.
"One second", came Dad's gruff voice.
John knocked again.
"I said one god damned second!"
John knocked even louder a third time.
Dad threw the door open. He had his bathrobe one. " I Said One God........." Dad saw the gorilla suit in the dimly lit hallway. John started to jump up and down and making what he thought sounded like monkey noises. Dad's eyes grew a little wider and he jumped back into the bathroom. Rose ran screaming into her room.
As he jumped back he threw a perfect punch right at John's face. John made a sound not unlike a balloon with all it's air leaking out and collapsed to the floor. Dad shut the bathroom door hard.
A few seconds later Dad opened the door again, looking much more composed. John was still laying where he fell. Dad looked down at John and said, "Why did you do that?"
John mumbled something to the extent that he thought it would be funny.
"And was it?", Dad asked.
"No sir."
"I hope you learned your lesson. Now get up. Let's go scare your Mom."
Dad spent that night sleeping on the couch.