In honor of today, my son Ethan's 11th birthday I am reposting this entry which details his birth. I will post another reprint tomorrow. I do this because I'm just a sad lazy man.



My Son's Eventful First Day
Thursday September 25 will be my 10th wedding anniversary. So in honor of that fine day I thought I would temporally skip 20 years of my life and talk about my oldest son's birth , and my first fiery days as a married man.
After going out with her for a few months, I proposed to my girlfriend Angie on a cold December night in 1992. We kept it a secret until we could find the perfect time to tell our families. A little more than one month later ,after the turn of the new year , Angie told me she was pregnant . Being a mature man of 28 who was engaged to the woman he loved more then anything, I took the news in stride.
I curled up in a fetal position in front of my television sure that life as I knew it was over. The Super Bowl was on , and I remember thinking clearly ,"Well this is the last time I'll get to watch the Super Bowl." The next day after I was done hyperventilating , Angie and discussed what we should do.
I told her that we should get married before the baby came. Angie always being the practical one suggested that we should concentrate on one thing at a time. We were completely unprepared for a child. So we should devote the next few months getting ready for him. After he was born , then we could concentrate on getting married.
In retrospect , I think Angie wanted to see what sort of Dad I was going to be. If I turned out to be a crappy Father she was going to boot my butt out the door. (She denies this)
Everyone was very pleased about the coming baby. My parents only problem was that they wanted us to get married immediately. They desperately tried everything they could to convince us to get married before the baby arrived. I held firm saying that we needed to get ready for the baby first. My Dad even showed up at my job to tell me he wouldn't help us at all with the baby , unless we got married right away. I thanked Dad for his concern but assured him we knew what we were doing. ( which was a lie. I still deep in panic mode, but I'd be damned if I told Dad that)
The baby's due date was August 1st. At the time I was living in a small one room apartment. I talked to my landlords and they told me they'd have a bigger apartment ready for me on June 15th. That would give me plenty of time to get it ready . Angie wanted to finish out her year of college before the baby came, so my small apartment would be fine until then. Everything was proceeding as well as could be expected.
Saturday May 15 Angie and I went to see the play CATS. All the way there she kept telling me how much the baby was kicking her. I put my hand on her belly and could feel him moving. The next night I went to work at 10 pm. Angie stayed that night in my apartment alone . She had finals the next day , so she would be leaving early the next morning for the hour drive to her school.
Around 6 in the morning , Angie stopped at my workplace to say ,"Hi", before she left for school. She told me she hadn't slept well the night before. I asked her if she was nervous about the test. She said no, but maybe she just had an upset stomach. I gave her kiss , wished her good luck , and watched her drive off towards school.
An hour later at 7 , I got off work. I walked home ,and got ready for bed. I hadn't gotten in bed yet , when there was a banging on my door. It was a lady who worked for my parents , Bonnie. She was outside pounding on my door screaming that Angie was in the hospital. My first thought was Angie was in a car wreck. "No", Bonnie screamed. "She's having the baby!"
I took Bonnie's car and drove to the hospital. I raced up to the maternity ward and found Angie. She looked very calm. Even the Nurses remarked on how calm she was. They said she wasn't acting like a woman in labor at all.( In truth she was more scared then she'd ever been in her entire life.) The Doctors told me she was going to have the baby 2 and 1/2 months early. Ready or not I was going to become a Father today.
At that moment on the television in Angie's hospital room , Sylvester the cat's son said ,,"Oh Father".
Soon my family began to fill the waiting areas and beyond. Everytime a Nurse would open the door my Dad was right there looking in to see what was happening. My only family members living in the area that wasn't there were Steve , and his son Kris. I asked Steve's wife where Steve was and Kathy(looking like she had been crying) said she didn't know, but was sure he'd show up soon. I looked at my watch and saw it was 9 in the morning. Wanting my nephew ,Kris to be there as soon as he could ,I called his high school from the nurses desk.
" Yes , my names Tom Hernandez, I and I was wondering if I could leave a message for my nephew, Kris Hernandez?"
" We don't take messages", the aged crone working in the school office spat back.
" Look lady , I'm at the hospital. My girlfriend's having our baby very prematurely. I was just wondering if you could let him know to come to the hospital when he gets off school?"
"We don't take messages!"
I was beginning to wonder if I was talking to a answering machine.
"Ma'am this is an emergency. I need you to.."
" We Don't Take Messages!"
"Damn it lady I just need you to,.......Hello? Hello?"
The old bitty hung up on me. Before I could call back and ask to speak to someone else , the Doctor in Angie's room was calling a second Doctor into her room. I hurried back to Angie.
"Is everything ok" I asked breathlessly.
The Doctors were laughing and pointing at the television. "Yeah , but Sally Jessy Raphael has women on who want to have sex with Bill Clinton."
I pointed at Angie."Can we please focus on her?"
"Oh she's fine", said her Doctor without looking in her direction.
I walked over to Angie. "Your taking this awfully well. I don't even see you having contractions."
"Oh I'm having them. They're less then 3 minutes apart."
I was a little puzzled. Women on Television were always screaming and cursing at the fathers for making them pregnant. " How come you're not screaming? Doesn't it hurt?"
Angie smiled at me. "I have a high pain threshold ."
And that's exactly when her hard labor began. She squeezed my hand so hard I thought it was going to pop off. The next 30 minutes seemed to last forever. The Doctors were now focused on Angie. (I had turned the TV off) Nurses ran in and out of the room. I realized that soon I was going to be a father. In my head I could hear the phrase ,"Oh Father" over and over again.. I tried my best to comfort Angie as the pain got worse for her. She did find much comfort in using my hand as a chew toy for the last 15 minutes of labor.
Then at 10.35 a.m. on May 17 Angie and I became proud parents of a 5 pound 3 ounce blue baby boy.
Blue? Why was my baby blue? I was fairly sure there were no blue people on my side of the family. The Nurses assured me that this was very common.
"Will it wear off?"
They all laughed and wanted to know what his name was.
In all the excitement , Angie and I didn't have any boy names ready. I told the Doctor we didn't have a name yet. He informed me we had 72 hours to name him. Or what I thought. The Name Police name him Myron ? The Nurses wanted to know what to call him.
"Sir. Or Mr Hernandez", I said.
By this point my little unnamed baby was already a healthy shade of pink. They put him in an incubator.
I went out and told my family that it was a boy. Steve was now there. Everyone congratulated me, and one by one they went in to see the baby, and Angie. I looked at Steve.
"Hey Steve, I called the school to let Kris know and they were really rude to me. You should say something to them."
Steve stared at me for a second. "I'll talk to them", he muttered.
The rest of the day was a blur. I called everyone I knew and told them the good news. At one point I went out and bought his first stuffed animal and a diaper bag that had Sylvester and his son on it. I told anyone I saw I was a Father. ("Oh Father") The Doctors were still a little worried since my baby boy was born so early, but so far everything looked fine.
Then around 2 in the afternoon I realized that my nephew Kris still didn't know what had happened. I looked in on Angie and the baby. They were both asleep. I slipped out of the hospital and drove to the high school where my nephew went. I walked in and went to the office. Sitting at the desk was a lady who if I didn't know better I might have confused with a mummified corpse.
"Excuse me could I talk to the Principal."
"What's your name" she barked at me.
I looked her straight in the eye. "Tom Hernandez."
She glared at me for a second and got up and went to the office behind her. A mousy looking man came out and walked over to me.
"Are you the one who cursed at this lady this morning?"
Lady? What lady ?What the hell was he talking about?
Oh I thought he must be talking about the old bitty. Instead of yelling about his rude secretary, I calmly explained the situation to him. I told him I just wanted Kris to know so he could go to the hospital when he got out of school. He stared at me as if trying to tell if I was telling the truth.
"Look you can call the hospital if you want" I said a little exasperated. Why were these people acting so strange?
The guy I was talking to thought for a moment and finally agreed to let me talk with my nephew. He walked me to his classroom , and called Kris out. Kris came out of the class looking very suspicious. The he saw me and smiled. I told him the baby came early, but so far everything was ok. The school official listened for a few moments , then satisfied I was telling the truth left me alone with Kris. I asked Kris why everyone was acting so weird.
Then he told me what had happened at school while Angie was in labor.
Kris had taken the Friday before off , as part of senior skip day. Steve and Kathy both knew and let him do it. He spent the day in Chicago with his girlfriend. Of all the seniors who skipped that day, Kris was the only one they called about. Kathy lied and said Kris was visiting a sick relative. They wanted the number. Kathy wouldn't give it to them.
So when Kris arrived at school around 8 in the morning on Monday , he found out he was getting many detentions for skipping. Kris thought this was unfair. He called his Mom , who in turn called the school. I don't know what was said but the old bitty on the phone made a big mistake.
She made Kathy cry.
Steve was at the school before Kathy had hung up. He screamed at the secretary for making Kathy cry. When the Superintendent and Principal came out Steve yelled at them. He yelled so loud Kris could hear in his classroom many rooms away. Steve was so mad he accused the two men of having a homosexual relationship. And the entire first floor heard him. Steve told the two scared men exactly what he thought they did when they were alone in the office together.( I can't say in this family friendly blog exactly what he said, but it involved monkey love.)
Before anyone could call the police or do anything Steve stormed out leaving 3 scared people in the office , and many laughing students in his wake.
2 minutes later I called and nicely asked if I could leave a message for Kris.
I couldn't have timed it better if I tried.
I went back to the hospital and spent the rest of the night there. Angie and I went over names , but so far couldn't find any we liked. That night I stayed in a chair next to her, getting very little sleep. Occasional I would get up and go look at my baby. In my head I kept hearing Sylvester the cat's son saying "Oh Father."
I promised my son that the next day would be much less eventful
MY NEXT BLOG; MY SON'S EVEN MORE EVENTFUL SECOND DAY.