My Fine Day
When Mark first suggested I write this blog it was because I have.....Interesting days.
Like Friday.
First a little background.
I'm hoping to get a job this fall at the local grade school, as a Playground Supervisor and perhaps a teachers aid. To help make ends meet until then I've gotten a very part time working for the local Chamber Of Commerce. (It sounds much better when I put it that way.)
My job consist of walking around the bushiness area in the mornings sweeping up cigarette butts and other trash. Most people who see me probably think I'm working off some sort of community service. I do it because the hours are perfect for me to spend with my kids. I only need a little bit of help with babysitting.
Which brings me to Friday.
It was around 9 in the morning, I'm minding my own business and walking along and sweeping up. About 20 feet in front of me is an elderly couple walking towards me. Just then a bug of some sort flew down my throat.
I do what any person would do, and make the weird gestures and noises when you've just swallowed another life form. As I'm doing that the elderly couple walk by me. I hear the old lady say (none to softly), ,"Isn't it nice that they give the mentally Handicapped Jobs here in Kewanee?"
"Madam", I say, "I have an IQ of 149 thank you very much". She looks at me and walks away. Maybe it would have helped my case if I wasn't still making a few facial ticks from the bug going down my throat.
Towards dinner time I went to my Mom's. She has a fence around her yard that she wanted taken down. It was built 12 years ago by yours truly, but was now old and rotten (again like yours truly.) I took a big AXE Hammer and proceeded to knock down the boards between the fence post. My oldest son Ethan would take the knocked down boards and stack them up by my Mom's garage.
After I was done with that I began pulling the Fence Post out of the ground. I was about halfway done when I stepped on a nail from a knocked down board. The very sharp and very rusty nail went into my shoe and right into my foot. I began to cuss and scream, and insult the parentage of the offending nail. (I can't say in this family friendly blog what I accused it of but let's just say Monkey Love was involved.)
I limped into the house and showed my Mom. She was very worried and upset and asked me when was the last time I had a tetanus shot. I said I believed it was sometime during Ronald Reagans last term as President. I was then sent to the emergency Room to get a new one. I told Ethan to be careful while I was gone, putting away the last boards.
When I got back from getting a needle jabbed into my arm I saw Ethan standing by my Mom's garage with my heavy AXE Hammer hitting one of the few remaining fence post with it, trying to knock it down.
I limped towards him saying, "No No buddy, You've got to be careful. Those Fence Post are old and rotten." I put my hand on top of the post to show him how unstable they were and gave it a little shake.
Of course at that moment the Fence Post decided to fall over into the thorn bushes my Mom's neighbors have.
Taking me with it.
The entire left side of my face was now covered I blood from the many cuts and scraps I received on my trip down. I now began to insult the thorn bush (Again Monkey Love was involved.) Ethan went running into the house and got my Mom. I fell onto my back and thought to myself, "Perfect ending to a perfect day."
Mom came out and did all the, "Oh God', stuff a Mom's supposed to do in a time like that. She asked if I needed anything.
"Bring me a camera", I said, still covering my cut side of my face.
"Why?"
" We'll say I got into a fight with my wife and she did this."
Mom was sending Ethan into the house when I told her I was just joking. Mom just doesn't get my sense of humor sometimes.
"Do you want to go back to the E.R.?", Mom asked.
I told her that even if my face fell off, (Which at that moment felt like a very real possiblity) I was not going back there.
Later in my Mom's bathroom I washed up my face. I looked in the mirror and saw all the cuts and scratches covering the left side of my face.
"Oh man that's going to cut down on my love life."
It was at that time my Dad came downstairs and saw me. Mom told him what happened. Dad squinted his eyes and stared hard at me.
"Improved your looks I see", was all he said.
Dad always knows what to say to make me feel better.